THE TEACHER

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So New Years Eve came and went and I saw it in sadly alone.

 

The following day, I matched with a 26 year old whose family owned a flat in the area. He was a PHD student and seemed cute.

 

We agreed to meet up for a drink later that night. So went to the pub, had some food and a drink. Came home had a bath and got ready. At 8.30 he messaged to cancel as he had decided to watch football with his mate instead.

 

Sigh. Ok fine, so just me again for the night. I opened the wine, changed into my comfy clothes and settled in for an evening of movies.

 

Then at 10.30 a message popped up from a match asking what I was up to. I was honest- I am in my PJs, drinking Merlot and watching weepy movies. Soo sexy right!

 

This did not appear to put him off and he suggested he came around to cheer me up. When I enquired how he planned to do that- he too was honest- he wanted to have sex. He thought I was beautiful (yeah right) and he was looking for some fun.

 

Now by this point I was a few glasses of vino down. I considered the last time I agreed to this and the kid and decided maybe not. Although this guy was 39…so maybe a better bet. I have actually not been on a date with an older guy..maybe this is where I was going wrong.

 

After some toing and froing on text he had asked for a full length photo- in case I was a fatty, he had made me promise that this was a one time, one night thing and no ‘crazy girl’ business of stalking or talking after that he would not stay.

 

I joked that this felt a lot like 50 shades and was he going to bring some form of contract with him? He said no, just making it clear what this is from the off, two adults using each other for gratification.

 

I am still unsure how he managed to convince me this was a good idea. Possibly the rejection of the teacher followed by the terrible kid and then rejection by the 26 yr old had left my, already pretty average, self esteem crushed. However, I found myself agreeing.

 

As soon as he sent a text saying he was on his way I mildly panicked. What had I done? Why was I inviting some random over yet again..but I did a couple of shots and convinced myself to just go with it.

 

He arrived and I was pleasantly surprised. He was actually pretty hot and had a thick northern accent which I quite like. I offered him a drink and he chose red wine- good call! We chatted for about an hour and t turns out he too used to work in TV, he was now a teacher.

 

After getting to know each other a bit better he kissed me and – hurrah, he was a good kisser! We took it upstairs and had- well frankly drunk sex. I cannot claim that this debacle was anywhere near perfect, even hot, I was drunk, he was sober and it was all a little hazy. However, as he promised, when the deed was done, he got dressed and left. No goodbye kiss, no post coital cuddles, just gone into the night.

 

It was odd. It felt empty, and honestly I was a little disappointed in myself. I had complained about men on tinder who simply want an instant hook up. I had looked down on them saying ‘who are the women who ever say yes’ well it turned out- I was one of those women. I had just perpetuated that behavior and confirmed that some women do say yes. I felt kind of pathetic and sad if I am honest. I had wanted a self-esteem boost and ended up feeling a bit cheap and used.

 

The following morning I awoke to the worst hangover and 6 missed calls fro the 26 year old. He had left me message begging me to come over at 2am and saying he regretted ditching me for football oh well young lad, you snooze you loose.

 

I had 50 mins to get up and get out of the cottage. To make matters worse, I had to remove all evidence of the dog from the cottage. So hungover I was on my hands and knees sweeping the tiles with a dustpan and brush ( there was no hoover ) and lint rolling the pristine white sofa!

 

Somehow I managed it and set off home. I had arrived disappointed by a boy and left disappointed by one- the whole holiday had been a write off.

 

However, this was and is a new year. I have learnt many a lesson. Namely not to date any more fuckwits and not to sleep with any more one night stands.

 

Maybe this was a lesson I had to learn the hard way- who knows. But roll on 2018 and num

THE WAITER

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So here I was in St Ives for New Years. Where this blog began! I had hoped this place would be a place of solace and maybe even holiday fun, last year it certainly delivered.

 

However, if you read The Musician post- you will see all hope was dashed of a start to a happy new year.

 

The reality was, I could sit and cry into my merlot or get back out there. So I juiced up tinder and vowed to meet the first guy who matched and chatted with me.

 

He was 28, a local and a waiter at a posh restaurant in the area. He had no New Years Eve plans as he was photographing the fireworks.

 

If I am honest- I was very unconvinced by his pictures, but figured what did I have to lose? Better than being stuck here alone. So we agreed to meet that night- after he had seen his friends.

 

So I waited and waited- his drinks with his mates over ran. 8.30 turned into 9.30 and before I knew it 10.30. I was done. I texted to say not to worry as all the bars were closing soon. However, he insisted he wanted to come over and bring a movie and asked if I had to get up. Well I was on holiday and I didn’t so screw it fine- I agreed on the condition that he knew he wasn’t staying over.

 

So a knock at the door and enters …. Jude? Oh god no, a spotty, skinny boy who looked bewildered to be there. He nervously hovered in the kitchen and I ushered him to the sofa and offered him a drink. He wanted, squash- of course he did all kids love squash!

 

The DVD he had brought was none other than Pet Semetary which he boasted he had bought for £3 from the co-op. Now I am a fan of horror and had not seen this classic so actually felt maybe this evening could actually be ok. I battled with the ancient DVD player and finally got it working, and sat back to enjoy.

 

My ability to appreciate this cult classic was hindered by the sudden realization that I was being stared at. The living room had turned into my own personal horror show.

 

I am unsure if this kid had never seen a girl before but he just kept staring at me and awkwardly shuffling on the sofa to get closer. I swear at one point he tried the yawn arm stretch! I continued to ignore this and desperately drew attention back to the movie- commenting on parts and laughing to hard.

 

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I stared back asking why he was staring at me, he commented that he couldn’t understand why the teacher would let such a beautiful woman slip away and dove in for a kiss. Oh god- it was awful. I can only assume he was attempting to extract teeth with his sucking an weird lip licking- eww.

 

I extricated myself by pouring more wine and holing it precariously between us, desperately willing my dog to decide to cuddle up and act as a barrier. At this point the dog started to move, but instead of being useful, we wedged himself on the sofa on the other side of the kid, which only served to push him completely up against me- argh!!

 

I fought off his advances with loo breaks, wine pouring and DVD moments of’ oh hang on rewind that I missed it’..until the film ended and finally I was able to jump up, put the DVD away shove it in his hand and say ‘oh well bed time’. He stumbled out the door- still staring and possibly slightly drooling and I closed the door behind him.

 

The next morning I awoke to a message asking if I would spend New Years Eve with him.. I politely declined and thank god never heard from him again!

 

THE PERVERT VET

imagesSo it’s just before Christmas, the sig couples are out, the perfume adverts are on and it’s the season where romance seems more magical than any other time of the year.

 

For those of us who are single at this time you year, we have two choices. Close the curtains; don our PJ’s open a giant box of chocolates and sob our way through The Holiday for the 60th time, each time praying it will be interrupted by Jude law at the door.

 

Or, get out there, take advantage of the fact people are in a sociable mood and date your way to being a smug couple next year!

 

So I got back in the game. I contacted a bumble match I had matched with a while ago and the conversation had dropped off.

 

He was 31, a Vet and seemed keen to meet rather than waste time being penpals. And so began the weirdest first date so far- at a shopping mall!

 

Yes we met for coffee at the mall. I was Christmas shopping and he lived nearby so it seemed to be a good place to meet- sort of.

 

So I arrived at a well-known coffee chain, found a seat- the only one available was in the corner right next to the loo door and the staff room- classy.

 

He arrived and sadly my initial fears were confirmed. He was not as good looking as his pictures and he was super short. I had mulled over his images a few times and they were 50/50 between hot and not. I was betting on the hot- but sadly my initial reaction was not.

 

He seemed very sweet and offered to buy me coffee and cake- an instant way to my heart! Caffeine and cake! So I agreed and he queued, and he queued and he queued. What we hadn’t taken into consideration was dating in a coffee shop in a mall two weeks before Christmas! After (and I am not joking) 20 mins on a queue- he came with the cake and coffee- he had bought two slices of cake, as he didn’t know which I would like- bonus!
So we chatted, and we chatted. He was polite, sweet and mainly we talked about him. But that’s fine. I had ascertained he was a genuinely decent human being/ He was a family man and wanted his own. He had given up a career he didn’t like late in the day to retrain as a vet and against all odds and prior education, he fought and made it- so respect.

 

He was far from a privileged posh boy but he did like the finer things in life and told me all about his watch that cost the same as a sports car!

 

This was less of an appeal. I have been here before with my ex. I am sentimental, I have no interest in expensive items, I prefer thought over cost. Buying anything for this guy would be tough- but lets not get ahead of ourselves!

 

SO after 3 hours of chatting we went our separate ways. I was genuinely surprised how easily we had talked but I won’ t lie, he didn’t make me laugh and I still didn’t find him attractive. As he walked away I examined the fact his legs in skinny jeans were thinner than my arms..hmm.

 

I did however agree to a second dates. Friends explained to me that physical attraction isn’t always instant- it can grow.

 

Over night it snowed, and my hometown had been transformed into a winter wonderland. I agreed to s dog walk date in the woods and the snow! Now if that set up couldn’t create a spark, surely I may as well pull the pin.

 

We met at the woods, I supplied the coffee and sadly it turned out, the conversation. It seemed our 3-hour chat was it- we had used up our available chitchat in one date. We walked awkwardly around the woods and then arrived back at the car.

 

I had decided then, that was it. This should have been such a romantic date but instead it was cold, awkward and not even particularly fun. We said goodbye and then out of nowhere he kissed me. Damn, I had hoped we were on the same page. It seemed not. He left saying he would text me and I got into he car and head-butted the steering wheel. This was not how any of it was supposed to go.

 

Then later that day I matched with another guy. This one was a guy who was moving to my town. We chatted for a bit and we seemed to have good rapport but he was out and about with his band and so couldn’t meet until that weekend.

 

So that weekend came and I had a great date with the musician (see next blog). That date really did seal the deal on the Vet. Any thoughts of hoping physical attraction may develop or that conversation may get better were gone.

 

I had left the date with the musician grinning and wanting to see him again- I had left both dates with the vet not wanting to – so there it was simple.

 

However, later that night after my date with the musician I get a text from the vet asking me if I could go over to his. Initially I thought no way; I can’t go on a second date after just getting back from one. However after several friends telling me I should just go and let him down nicely, one suggesting I make the most of it as ‘it’s Christmas and what Jesus would have wanted’ lol ..Anyway I figured the least I could do was see if I could salvage a friendship out of it.

 

So I arrived at his flat and hung above the door was mistletoe- he pounced…I flinched! What can you do in this situation though- its tradition and I have just set foot in the door- should I push him away and say sorry and run back to the car- in hindsight I prob should have.

So I sat in the lounge- his housemate was there, she seemed nice. They were both drinking but I was driving so no alcohol to help soften this blow.

 

I sat right at the edge of the sofa- turned away from him, total defensive body language- I could literally have had a sign around my neck saying ‘Do not touch. May bite’. Then something weird happened, the sofa started to vibrate- it turned out it was a cushion that vibrates when you lean on it…for the rest of the evening I kept accidentally setting it off and freaking myself out! What purpose could it have- actually I know exactly what purpose it could have- but I daren’t ask.

 

We decided to watch a movie- after I had vetoed the 20th option – his taste was appalling- the two of them decided on Mad Max Fury Road. I wish at this point I had made my excuses and left. That is 2 hours of my life I will never get back. Wasted watching weird creatures drive pimped out cars across a desert with minimal dialogue, awful acting and almost zero storyline. It offended my on every level of taste, quality and actually ethics that so much money could be spend on so much crap.

 

Anyway, FINALLY it ended and I got ready to leave, certain that even if there had been a shred of hope for the Vet- this experience had certainly crushed it.

 

But the vet had other ideas. As soon as I suggested leaving he jumped me- bzzzz off goes that cushion again! He was kissing me in what I can only assume was some form audition for how good he was with his tongue- it was like he was attempting to have oral sex with my mouth..Ewwwww

 

I was actually physically repulsed by this point and needed to get out of there as I could see what he was hoping was going to happen as he was attempting to spell it out with his tongue.

 

I politely said I really should go, at which point he hugged me and tried to give me some kind of half hearted shoulder massage and told me how good he was at massaging. He said I was tense. Hell yeah I was tense, I was stuck on a sofa with an extra from alien wearing the tightest jeans that I swear they were jeggins and the more he hugged me the more I became aware of how tiny his stature was, it was like being hugged by a 12 year old.

 

That was it, I had to go, and so I made my excuses and got the hell out of there.

When I got home I sent him an apologetic text saying that I wasn’t over my ex. Which to be fair isn’t a totally lie at all, but I couldn’t face saying it was because his kissing had repulsed me and he was too short and too skinny- I mean no one wants to hear that. Plus that’s just me, he is probably someone else’s dream guy.

 

His response to this attempt at being kind and letting him down nicely. “ Damn, it’s a shame as I didn’t get the chance to show you what a filthy little pervert I am”…..wow, and there it is. Bullet well and truly dodged!

 

 

The Musician

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Pre Warning: this post is likely to involve discussion and reflections on religion, ethics and mental health- do not read if any of these things are triggers.

 

Right, dull bit over.

 

So , the musician- I call him this because he was indeed in a band but this was not his main profession. For his own anonymity I felt best not to put it.

 

So this is sadly not a story with a happy ending. To be fair none of these have been..but from the responses I have had- I know it can be a comfort to share the dating owes and know we are not alone. As I was reminded by a comedian recently, tinder has destroyed romance and connectivity and left us wandering like lost hobbits in a dick pic forest.

 

Anyway- fortunately this one did not involve dick pics. Nope we matched on the joys of bumble this time not tinder.

 

Still reeling from the bullet dodged with the dirty little pervert of a vet- I was skeptical about dating again but as they say- you have to be in it to win it – incidentally the only people who actually say that are people in relationships and smug married people who have forgotten the endless failures of dating, the constant personal rejection and resulting self esteem bashing! Good but must try harder- its like the worst school report of your life every time.

 

So after a few messages with this guy- he seemed witty, smart and dare I say it- actually interested in dating not hook ups. Not only that but he was actually moving into my postcode- another tick after too many dates a million miles away.

 

There was one small moment of fear where he bet me a fiver that he knew where I lived sent me my own address – but this was more a revelation of my own stupidity to not be more careful with my social media!! Noted ladies lock that shit down!

 

So despite my concerns I went along with a first date- one off the cuff as he was only passing through the city.

 

When I arrived I was genuinely shocked- for once he actually looked hotter than profile pictures. I always feel sorry for guys with this issue as they can’t use make up, filters or other means to doctor their images- that said I a also a believer in what you see if what you get and as I do not naturally have bunny ears or weird alien eyes ( I hope) I tend to refrain from these weird filters!

 

Anyway- first off he warned me he would be grumpy and wasn’t going to make an effort as was tired- he turned up and my heart genuinely skipped a beat- surely this can’t be right- guys that hot don’t usually want to date me?

 

He came filled with confidence and cockiness which should have been the first alarm bell- but for my sins sadly those are exactly the qualities I like in a guy.

 

He made me laugh but also we ended up delving into conversations about sex, religion and not quite politics- but ACTUAL conversation. This was a revelation after the endless mind numbing dates where we talk about work ( we will come back to this as this should also have been a sign).

 

What did become strange was he didn’t ask anything about me- no interest in my likes, dislikes, my job, my book…he claimed constantly to have seen everything he needed to know on social media and kept saying ‘anyway back to me’…initially this was funny- but looking back maybe it should have been a sign that he really wasn’t actually that interested in me.

 

The came the first hurdle – I joked that I hoped he wasn’t religious- turns out he is. This was a first. I have not met a guy who is religious so had never had to consider if it would even work and it’s a tricky subject for me.

 

Long story short, I was brought up a Christian and I think it probably did me great good. The morals are all good, the friends and sense of community was amazing, I genuinely loved every aspect of the church community except actual church, which I found massively boring!

 

As time went on and I grew up I simply realised I enjoyed all the aspects of community I could find elsewhere, my issue was I didn’t believe what they did.

So I went my own way. As the only person in my family who wasn’t religious this has proved a serious fracture in my family. My mum is a vicars daughter and my Mum and Dad now believe in a Pentecostal style Christianity which involved talking in tounges, healing through prayer and having visions.

 

Here I must stress, I have literally no issue with anyone who wants to believe in anything as long as it does not hurt others or lead them to judge others. I have seen the great comfort believing in God has brought my family and to be honest – if I could wake up tomorrow and believe in God I may actually choose it as I see it does a lot of good- but I don’t – its like asking someone to believe in Santa as an adult. You can’t just magic your mind- it chooses what it chooses.

 

I believe in science and fact and personally I believe in making a difference in the time we have but that difference to me is about making others happy doing what you can to help but not judging them for not believing in something you do.

 

I respect anyone with faith, controversially, even those willing to die for it (not terrorists I’m talking holy wars etc) , imagine caring about anything that much, its easy to judge people, to see something you don’t understand and deem it wrong. I don’t like that a lot of religion brings so much contention is ends in innocent people dying, – again another great quote- when did religion stop being about faith and become about right or wrong. All I see as wrong is taking away peoples right to believe in what they want to- sadly some faiths simply do not allow freedom of thought.

 

 

I do not know I am right- none of us do. I may die and end up at pearly gates but I suspect I am more likely to not exist anymore. As that is what I choose, rather than believe someone else will forgive all my sins, I choose to attempt to live a life whereby I do as little harm as possible in the first place and my idea of eternal life is to make sure I leave some impact on the world that is positive, even if it is simply writing a kids book that helps 5 kids that is all good by me.

 

Back to the date- so this made me seriously consider if I could even date someone with such differing beliefs..after experiencing my parents judgment I figured it would be an issue But after discussion, I quickly relaised that this guy may have has personal views but he was willing to accept others do too- and to be, that’s the best any of us can do.

 

Sadly his cyber stalking had probably at this point led him to think I was a raving loon as I have to regularly use my Facebook for work and join groups to find contributors- one of which was a documentary on the rise of the mega church. So to him I probably looked like a mentalist!

 

However, we went our separate ways after the date and it seemed to go well. After a few ore texts he agreed to a second date.. bonus!

 

Very excited about this prospect but also weary of past endeavours and men, I decided to ask a few deal breakers. One of his was mental health…now this is where the issues started and was probably the end for him.

 

Me personally, I never lie about the fact I have anxiety- I work in a therapeutic field, I would say 50% of my friends have some sort of mental health issue and we live in a society where one in 3 of us suffers at some point. So why lie- you are only digging a grave for yourself.

 

His reasoning was clearly based on past relationships and I totally got it. It hurt. But I got it. I too have seen friends in relationships with broken people, unable to relate to them and it’s ultimately their downfall as a couple. It’s a tricky place dating with issues…I mean we all have baggage and issues; just some of us don’t cope as well with the small stuff as everyone else.

 

The best example I was given was oddly by my dog’s behaviourist- his explanation was about dog’s buts it relevant to us too. We all develop a stress sink as we grow up- how big that sink is impacted by genetics; environment- got everything, as we are little sponges as kids. However, at some point- around 6 or 7, the size of that sink is set in stone. No one can ever change it; no amount of therapy or medication can rebuild it. That sink in your brain is ruled by your amygdala – which is like a stopcock in your mind. When the sink fills with stress, that stop cock alerts the rest of you its full, it can’t take anymore, and we go into fight, flight or freeze mode to protect ourselves. We are overflowing, we can’t cope so we run, hide or fight it. All are effective, not all are appropriate.

 

So, with that in mind- we are dating in a world where we all have different sinks in our head which dictate what it takes to push us over into fear, anger, depression. Maybe the key is to find someone with the same sink as you- but god knows how u would ever do that.

 

So instead- we find ways to manage the amount of stress that goes into the sink in the first place- we develop ways to shut off the tap so it doesn’t over fill.

 

My point is-

Everyone has a tipping point. If you meet someone and date them- I get you wouldn’t want someone who is constantly overflowing- but it Is worth considering that they have the power to control the flow and manage it…they are not a lost cause and people who avoid them simply make them feel worse about themselves as its makes them feel somehow inferior or broken so by all means, avoid those in crisis as they shouldn’t be dating anyway- they need to focus on themselves- but just as you have functioning alcoholics who are now dry with AA- you can have functioning individuals with Anxiety, even depression.

 

Anyway, I fessed up I have mild anxiety- the main side effect f which is I feel things more than most other people. I get more sad and stressed but I also feel more passionately and deeply and have more patience with people and think more deeply on things than most in an analytical way which makes me less judgmental. Would I like to not have it, of course? However, I do think a life where you do not feel the passion and excitement I do over the little things, like the rising sun over the sea, or the simple text saying someone is thinking of you- when you love in a world of grey not black and white, you learn to appreciate the little things, a lot.

 

It also compels me to help others; For my soulless job in telly, I also have my book and my clinic…particularly my book I writ to help kids be resilient, to find ways to come from a young age so when they do find resistance or prejudice, they can understand themselves better, respect themselves and deal with it like a boss.

 

Anyway- back to the date. So date 2- we meet in a pub and this time both dress up a bit more. I debated just a hoody and skirt again but figured I may as well try and make a good impression as this guy is worth it. No idea how he could look hotter- but he did! Although I must say I also loved his last look so he could hardly go wrong.

 

The date went really well, lots of laughter- I loved the fact he pushed the envelope- asking about baby names- maybe that was the reason he ran- he didn’t like mine lol- but also talking about fun things we could experience together- the key to a relationship- we both wanted to snowboard better, he wanted to teach me how to ice skate, see Paris the right way, see New York, Travel, have fun and enjoy the world and life- it seemed to good to be true- it was.

 

The date was cut short as he had to eats with his folks- fine, family is important so understood but can’t lie- I was disappointed. We had a kiss- and expecting that to be the flaw- it def wasn’t! I literally walked all the way home beaming ear to ear…maybe this would actually be something- its only two dates but I wanted to see him again.

 

Unable to contain that we were texting all night and he agreed to come over to watch a movie that same night. We didn’t watch the movie- once again our conversations took over. I don’t think I have ever met a guy who likes to talk as much as me. But the best part for me was I had had already gotten into my pjs and he was in his sweats- the total ability to just chill with each other was again a first.

 

So after another seemingly successful date and a very passionate kiss on the doorstep (genuinely didn’t want him to leave!) Once again he left and I shut the door with a huge smile!

 

Then Christmas hit- time to go back to the folks and the nightmare that is my family. I do not fit in and I spend the whole time stressed. Luckily the musician was there to take y mind off it- we had literally texted all day every day for 3 days.

 

By the afternoon we were both being driven mad by our parents and joked about escaping to a romantic cottage filled with snacks, movies, pillows and even a naked rule lol…god how I wished I could have escaped to that.

 

As it happened I was looking for a cottage and he joked I should make sure it was near his gig on NYE. Maybe I would get a New Years Kiss after all.

 

By boxing day my family had driven me to despair and the boredom was eating my brain. The musician and I were still messaging constantly and he suggested I come back to Bristol- this was the beginning of the end.

 

I took one look at the misery of boxing day- kids TV on to try and shut them up and calm them down, adults bored of the kids TV and on their phones, no one talking, everyone fed up- why was I even there when I could be in Bristol spending time cuddled up with this hot guy who was clearly interested in me and actually wanted to spend time with me. So I left.

 

I didn’t even have time to ask him over, I said I was back in Bristol and he said he would be over in an hour- wow I thought, this guy is keen…this is really going somewhere. How have I been this lucky to find a guy who is gorgeous, creative, talented, funny and say and seemingly interested in me- I started to panic. This really was too good to be true.

 

The ex whom I started this blog after went along a similar path—we hit it off, spent all of xmas on a few dates and texting constantly and spent new years together after just 3 dates…I was smitten, he promised me the earth…. he instead gave me hell. I suddenly feared the worst- this could be the same thing.its history repeating itself…back then I couldn’t understand hwo it could all be so good and now I was thinkignt he same. But friends told me to give this up a chance, he wasn’t my ex, maybe he genuinely meant all the suggestions and fantasy’s I shouldn’t end it based on a hunch. Turns out I didn’t have to.

 

At the end of Boxing Day, he left and said we would meet up the next day.

 

I woke up excited to see him again. I knew he was moving into his new flat so didn’t want to send endless messages like the days before as knew he would be busy. I didn’t bat an eyelid when I hardly heard from him and I got ready to see him that night excited that he would soon be a neighbor. He didn’t follow through…I waited, and waited- not wanting to seem impatient or pushy, until 8pm when I finally texted hoping he would suggest somewhere for our 5th date- he simply replied he was out with his housemate and would text me after- he never did.

 

It was like I ha been a balloon, filled with hope, anticipation, passion and attraction and then I just popped, with one text. That moment I just knew. Maybe he was attracted to the housemate, maybe he simply couldn’t bar to see me again. He had left at a very heated moment the night before- and then not met up again, maybe he simply found my sexually unattractive…my mind was racing.

 

My friends as usual told me it was me over thinking, that he was a man, they have no capacity to think how we do and to not read into it.

 

However, the days passed and the tets didn’t come, it was like someone threw water on the fire of flirting an no matter how much I tried to reignite it- he wasn’t playing ball.

 

So I had the option of a cottage near his gig or down in Cornwall…..I chose Cornwall. I suspected he wanted to bin me off so not going to look like a total psycho and book a cottage near him- even though that had been his suggestion!

 

Eventually, I caved, I messaged him as I am sure may of you have done- you are on your third glass of merlot staring at the phone willing it to light up.

 

The response- simply that he thought I was in Cornwall- the only way he could possibly have known this was through social media- but as this all started with him sending me my own address and our first date consisted him saying ‘I know’ to everything I tried to say about me and what I was into- I suppose I wasn’t surprised he had based my whereabouts on a fb post.

 

As it turned out- I had hoped I might see him before I went away so left my booking until later- but no suggestion of a meet up. Similarly the next day, he had gone from asking me to text when I got to my parent 20 mins down the road but when it came to me driving alone for 4 hours to Cornwall, not even so much as a ‘safe journey’.

 

I knew it- I felt it- this guy was done. I just didn’t know nor understood why. I was hurt..big time. But we had only been on 4 dates- but those dates had filled me with hope, joy, happiness and for the first time a connection I hadn’t felt in so long. Apparently this was all in my head.

 

After an evening of stressing and not knowing whether to enquire if there was an issue and how to even approach that without sounding like a total psycho- I caved the next day and he called it off.

 

Apparently there is no reason other than he doesn’t see a future. My feeling, there is a reason he feels that way and the details- whether it is the mental health issue, the religion barrier- the fact he simply doesn’t fancy me, who knows, I will never really know.

However, as if a cruel irony, I now find myslef back in Stives for New Years Eve, where this blog started..no less single no more wiser but feeling just as broken hearted by the only guy in a year I saw a future with since the one who broke me and prompted to start this blog. A bold statement for just a few dates- but when you feel an instant connection its just there. Sadly, when you don’t its not there either.

So I guess in the words of the Lion King, this is the Circle of Life.

 

 

The Lawyer

 

So my latest match was with a corporate Lawyer. My initial reaction was that his profession meant he would be arrogant and a narcissist. I have seen enough seasons of suits to know what a cut throat world he must live in.

 

 

It all seemed too good to be true. He was from Canada, his family lived in California and he lives in a pent house in a very hip part of the city. The more I heard the more I was convinced he was a catfish- but he was actually a shark.

 

I matched with him on the day I already had a 3rd date lined up with Mr Greek Vet. He refused to accept that I would choose a vet over a date with him and insisted I ditched the vet and saw him instead. He then continued to text me throughout my date saying the offer was open to bail at any time and meet with him instead. Rude and when it didn’t work this only seemed to encourage him.

 

I awoke to a text asking how the date had gone, I explained that the vet was hot, kind and lovely but moving abroad. To which he replied that he was hotter, earnt more money and wasn’t going anywhere- and did he mention he owned a pent house- (only about 6 times already!)

 

My curiosity peaked when he told me about his family’s house in upstate New York and how beautiful it was in the fall. So I agreed to meet but on my terms for a coffee. He pushed for a meeting at his penthouse but my imagination ran wild about Mr Grey style red room possibly filled with vanity mirrors dates of tinder past so I declined.

 

Just as I was getting ready to go and meet him he cancelled – because he had to help out his disabled neighbor- the trump card of excuses and one that only made me question his authenticity even more.

 

That evening I went out for drinks with a friend and after a bottle of vino we got talking about recent dates. You guessed it- turns out she had dated the lawyer and slept with him and then been ditched. She confirmed he was indeed Canadian and did have family in Cali and a pent house- although she admitted it was a disappointment LOL.

 

Naturally I asked the lawyer about this- at first he denied all knowledge of her and then after I said I wasn’t interested- insisted that he thought I actually was and we should still meet. It took 7 messages to convince him and his ego that I really wasn’t interested and that money doesn’t impress me and arrogance is a huge turn off. He was shocked and then blocked me. Such a shame LOL.

 

I am sure he will find his perfect match but he won’t find it on tinder- instead he should try his bathroom as I am fairly sure there is a reflection in there of the perfect man for him!

Date #12 The Greek Vet

Screen Shot 2017-03-30 at 20.17.18Who on earth arranges a date at 11am on a Thursday? This is what I was asking myself as I lay in bed willing myself to get up!

Apparently I do…It seemed a good idea at the time. He was a vet, 28, pretty hot, from Greece and did I mention a vet?

I was going away, he only has Thursdays off, so coffee seemed the only option.

I soon discovered that he was from an area of my city I am less than a fan of, but also found out that he was moved- relief. This is part of the reason I am probably single. I am not a fan of dating outside my postcode. I mean I would date outside my city..but in the city I live in the nicest area..I figure that by the time you are 30 you are pretty much living in a an area of your choosing. So where you live says a lot about you. Even if you are not- that says a lot in itself. Yes, yes I am basically a massive snob.

Anyway, he arrived and first impressions were good. He had beautiful eyes ( I am a sucker for eyes) his English was pretty good but then came the greeting.

I am never sure of the first date etiquette- often I just say hi and avoid it entirely but he came over to me so I went to shake his hand as he went in for a cheek kiss. Awkward! Then I pulled away and he went in for the other cheek- argh!

So having established myself as a total idiot I sat down and the old ‘so what do you do and where are you from chat started’.

He had an interesting story. Apparently Greece still have a National Service so he did that for a year and then decided to persue being a vet after being punished all the time for feeding the left over food to stray dogs. Yes he collected food to feed street dogs- he had me over a barrel.

He then told me about his volunteer work in Guatemala with monkeys and donkeys and all manner of animals and how he had plans to go to Hawaii next year to help the sea turtles.

Not only did my career seem immoral and futile in comparison, he didn’t own a TV nor watched TV so no chance of discussion about guilty pleasure box sets!

Then he dropped the bombshell that he was quitting his job here in September and moving back to Greece before travelling to Hawaii.

Sigh, so typical. You find one that’s good and they are skipping country on you!

Regardless it was a lovely date and he was sweet. He very cutely ended our date by asking me if I was really 35 as I really didn’t seem it. Not sure if I seemed that immature or he was commenting on my youthful appearance but I chose to believe the latter!

Date #11- Cornish Steve

17435896_10158394310910597_2662910822831645881_oSo I failed at 24 dates before 35. It seems that getting a date- and by date I mean meeting a man for a drink or food and a chat rather than just a hook up- is harder than you might think.

 

I seem to have acquired many whatapp penfriends who simply seem to just chat but mention the D word and they freak out.

 

Or, I have had plenty of offers of booty calls- usually with around 25 mins notice and at 11pm at night- from horny 20somethings.

 

However, the date remains elusive and rare and I have to stalk it like David Bellamy in the undergrowth ( this reference will be lost to many!)

 

Yet I shall persist. I have met enough people who have found loves of their lives through this impersonal and judgmental app- in fact I have been to two weddings and met two tinder babies- so there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel- or its just a reflection of my torch on a dustbin lid at the end of a dead end street- who knows!

 

So my 35th birthday was spent with my nearest and dearest friends in the beautiful St Ives. It was the first birthday in 3 years where I did not cry over he who shall not be named- so progress was made.

 

I did also set up a date- with Cornish Steve. Again this is a reference lost on many but essentially he was a guy who looked like another guy I nearly dated called Steve- except this one lived in cornwall and wasn’t called Steve- look it made sense at the time ok!

 

So Cornish Steve was beautiful. Tanned, bright eyed and bushy tailed and a surfer. He grew up in St Ives, my favourite place in the world and ran a BnB – bonus, free accommodation anyone??

 

However, he was a slippery fellow. He wanted to meet when my friends were about so putting sisters before misters- yeah I can’t pull the finger wag off- I turned him down and suggest we meet a couple of days later when I would be on my own.

 

The time came and I called up the date- but he declined, too hungover allegedly. So we postponed to another day- which never came. The texts continued but Cornish Steve was no where to be seen.

 

To check he was real my friend who joined me later in the week did the obvious thing- we stalked him. Come on don’t judge you all know you would do it.

 

We knew he worked in a bar so we conveniently passed the bar walking the dog to spot him- once again I refer to the David Bellamy likeness!! To put this sorry state of affairs- this consisted of two 30somethings who should know better, walking past a bar, peering in and then when he looked our way shrieking and running off. We could only hope he had no idea!

You would think this may be why he didn’t wish to meet but he didn’t seem to have put two and two together- I can only assume he couldn’t imagine a 35 year old would act in such a way and we must have been other childish tourists.

 

So my birthday came and my friend left early so there was time for a coffee before I left. He had agreed the previous night to meet, admitting he had been a wuss to not meet up before.

 

So I waited and wait….and waited. No text came, then when it did, no suggestion of a meet was mentioned. Not wanting to look any more of a plonker than I already had I took the hint and left. No date.

 

Since then we have whatsapped nearly every day- because, as it seems most men are on these sites, he is too scared to turn me from text to real life person.

 

So the quest continues…

Dates #9 and #10-The stand-ups​ (but not comedians)

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So I am currently sick..the joys of tonsillitis. I am bed bound and feeling sorry for myself and extremely flipping bored. I am not a good patient. Most people would relish the opportunity to stay in bed and watch movies all day. For me, it drives me mad, too much time to think.

Anyway, after rinsing the entire last series of Girls and drinking about a litre of lucozade I decided to have a little look on my internet dating apps. I mean playing a little hot or not may pass the time and I have hit a wall with dates lately- more on that later.

The first match I got- invited me to his hotel room instantly and said he was only in the vicinity for a night. When I pointed out I was bed ridden and had tonsillitis, he kindly said it was fine as he had his tonsils out as a kid and I could spit not swallow…and there it is Tinder folks. In one beautifully unromantic message.   Who said romance was dead!

This is an issue I keep having. Guys just want to hook up on these apps. So getting them to go on a date is almost impossible.

Or you get the ones who do agree to date but they are just out of a relationship and freak the hell out. Case in point Fridays’s date- 26 year old teacher. Seemed cute. Said he was into musical theatre and Disney (at this point I did wonder if he was actually on the wrong app!) but seemed fun. So I got ready, and just as I was about to leave the house- like the tablet of terror my phone beeped. A message from the teacher to say he had been stressing about our date all day as he was fresh out of a relationship and couldn’t do it and didn’t want to mess me around.

I actually felt for him, I mean we all know how painful a broken heart is. So I was kind and said not to worry and put my PJs on. Then he messages saying ‘ oh but if you want to meet and have some fun let me know’..sigh..not that broken hearted then!

A similar thing happened a few weeks ago when a guy whom actually stood me up last time I went on tinder re-matched with me. I swiped yes just to see what he would do. He apologized, said he was in a bad place but also offered that it was no excuse for being a dick and could he make it up to me with dinner. Not one to turn down free food I agreed. We exchanged numbers again and around came the date. An hour before we were due to meet- same message’ sorry I can’t do this- I am just not looking for anything serious’. I mean- that’s fine but a) don’t invite ME to dinner then and b)its dinner not a flipping wedding rehearsal!

So there we are, here is hoping at some point I may actually go on another date but in the meantime. It’s back to Netflix and chilling alone for me.

Date #8- The Knight

So yesterday was valentines day. The day that all smug couples insist on saying they ‘don’t do’ and means nothing yet still insist on facebooking about their beautiful flowers and chocolates and going out to flaunt their cosy coupledom to the rest of us who are passing the restaurant window with a shopping bag containing a microwave meal for one and a bottle of merlot.

So to combat the bitter blues I decided to go on a date. If you can’t beat them join them. I got swiping and matched with awannabe Director who spends a lot of time being a background artist in dramas like Merlin, Sherlock and  Dr Who. He wasn’t my type but I figured we had a lot in common and he spends time being a knight so maybe he could be my knight in shining armour-so why not see what happens.

He arrived and immediately excused himself to the bathroom. I was hoping it wasn’t to reapply any make up! When he came back he ordered an almond milk hot chocolate. This was my first alarm. He doesn’t drink tea or coffee but he does drink milk from nuts- hipster alert. I amused myself by imagining a tiny dairy farm where almonds where hooked up to machines being milked…I realised how insane this was and then snapped back to the date.

We chatted about ..well him. My biggest flaw in dating is talking too much. Anyone who knows me knows I talk a lot and I talk fast and when I am nervous it gets worse. I hate awkward silences and usually fill them with oversharing. I have been known to discuss losing my virginity on voicemail to my sister, waking up after a very drunken one night stand with more than just freshly shaved legs and the cost of my fake boobs—all over the first awkward drink!

However, this date didn’t let me get a word in edgeways. After he had told me all about set design, camera techniques, his film he was currently shooting and an anecdote about being dressed as a knight in Merlin and coming across a kid in the forest bathroom who was stunned to see knights are real. He excused himself to the bathroom, again. Maybe to breathe!

On his return I tried to make conversation about Harley as he was there as my furry wingman. He looked deathly bored and commented on how cats are better and then moved on to talking about how he has lived in Australia, Italy and how dull all his Tinder dates so far have been as the girls have no imagination.

When I enquired what he meant he explained how he wants to shake people and tell them there is a whole world out there and they are happy in their little lives doing admin jobs and hanging out with the same mates they have had since school. I resisted the urge to respond with the fact this judgment was coming from a grown man who dresses as a knight, drinks fake milk and currently works in a cinema to make ends meet.

However, I must admit I sort of respected him for his choices- not the milk!- but he gave up a well paid job in London to move back west and start afresh. He wasn’t afraid to take a student job that allowed him the time to dedicate to his vision- his movie. His dreams to make it to being a big time Director may or may not be realised but his commitment to making it happen couldn’t be denied. Unlike many, he can at least say he tried. So respect.

After a 3rd bathroom trip I started to become concerned he either had the bladder of a mouse or was suffering from some kind of food poisoning!

An hour had now passed and he hadn’t asked a single question about what I do, what I like or even where I had been or what I had done. In short, I wondered who he thought he was on a date with as he still wouldn’t have a clue.

Despite this he seemed keen to extend the date and go for a walk- which I declined- there was an awkward moment of do we hug, shake hands kiss or simply walk away. I chose hug and breathed a sigh of relief as I walked home. I felt like I had seen a client not had a date. Which would be fine if he was paying me by the hour to listen!

By the time I got home he had messaged asking for a second date. I was frankly surprised and politely declined. I hope he achieves his film and his commitment pays off..I also hope he see’s a doctor for his bladder issues!

Date #7 the ghost

So this evening I was supposed to go on a date with number seven Mr Healthcare. This was a reluctant date as I had already matched with this guy a month or so ago and he had ghosted me.

For those unfamiliar with ghosting its essentially where you match with someone, start chatting- often even go on a date- and then they disappear without explanation. They simply stop responding to texts, calls or any form of communication- as if they never existed. I always imagine they put on a sheet like a Scooby Doo bad guy and when they get busted exclaim ‘if it weren’t for that pesky social media’.

So this guy agreed to meet for a date just before Christmas. The day before he confirmed the place but not the time. Then on the day of the date..I enquired what time he wanted to meet and nothing- he simply disappeared.

So when we matched this time I confronted him straight off asking why he did it. He was busted.

With only an explanation of being hectic at the time and it being no excuse to be such a dick and treat me badly- he offered to make it up to me by buying me dinner if I would let him. Reluctantly I agreed- I mean we never know what people are going through behind closed doors.

So we agreed to meet the next day and we once again swapped numbers.

So I got ready today, was just drying my hair and bing- like the tablet of terror my phone lit up with a message saying ‘sorry I think we should cancel, I am just not looking for anything serious’. We were going for food! On a first date- I mean I wasn’t dragging him down the aisle. Also, why even set up the date.

I understand some guys are on tinder for the hook ups- that’s fine, but be upfront about it. Do not suggest to buy someone dinner to apologise for standing them up last time only to do it again.

In reality he wasn’t that hot and I frankly welcomed the excuse to spend the afternoon on the sofa. However, this is not the first time it’s happened and it’s unlikely to be the last but it does make me a little sad as it reminds me of the shallowness of internet dating. People stop being people and become profiles that are easy to delete and dismiss forgetting there is a human being with feelings on the other end. It takes the humanity out of dating.

However, it is what it is so the show must go on….